DONE WITH 2019.
You heard the person behind you at the coffee shop tell their friend on the phone, you see your colleague shake their head and mutter at an email on their screen, and you’ve probably thought this when you realised you forgot to wish so-and-so a happy birthday -but I am so ready for this year to be over.
There were ups and downs (but definitely more of the latter), and I’m exhausted. I joke to friends that “next year has to be better”, but really it’s no laughing matter. I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer here as there was much to smile and celebrate over in 2019 too. I’m clinging onto these happy memories and using it to fuel a change in my perception of the difficult moments this year. I’ve decided to make a list of what made me happy this year, and then what I learned from the bad. Here’s hoping that I learn from these and become a smarter and stronger person in 2020 -and if someone can take care of the a-holes for me that would be great.
THE MEMORIES.
Blackcomb ice caves.
Passing my ski exam.
Banff road trip.
Making new friends.
Meeting JA - the Patrick to my Spongebob.
Surfing in October.
Redecorating.
Collaborations.
The UK trip.
and I’m sure there’s many more that I can’t remember right now.
THE LESSONS.
It is all temporary. It was/ is a rollercoaster and a half for me to finally realise this, but it’s true. However hard things became time was just going to keep going forward, personal capacities will fluctuate and circumstances will change. The good and the bad, it’s all temporary.
You have friends, family, colleagues, your favourite barista. But essentially you’re on your own. You are the one that makes the decisions. Everyone else has their decisions to make too. You can be there for each other along the way but no one expects you to go all the way for them, because they won’t for you.
If something becomes too much to handle or you can’t fight something anymore, it’s okay to walk away. It’s okay to run away. You’re not being a coward. You’re simply picking your battles. This one isn’t worth it. If you gave it enough attention and effort to resolve and it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t deserve any more from you.
Trusting my gut in taking a leave from work for a short period. While I was worried about what people would think of me and not wanting to expose my weakness, I let myself suffer in unbearable circumstances. With the support of those around me and by being “me”, I showed that taking a Leave is a brave and grown-up choice. I’ll never let myself be put in such a situation again.
There are shitty people in the world, there always will be. Some would tell me that I needed to be less sensitive. I agree. But I can always control how much I let the rascals affect me. “Don’t hurt yourself to prove a point.”
I look back at this past decade and all the ups and downs that I’ve faced, endured and overcome, and it leaves me with a sense of pride and exhaustion. Here’s hoping that this next decade is somewhat the same, but where I’m less tired and there aren’t that many a-holes.